Tag Archives: punk rock

Shout Out To A Decade Ago When I Was The Guitarist Of A Pop-Punk Band.

29 Feb

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One upon a time I was a tragically weird, hard-drinking scrawny homo working in a lesbian bar that was about to close down a few months later. I was dating a really cute drag queen at the time as well, but that relationship was kinda falling apart. I had also decided to part ways with Destroyed For Comfort’s guitarist/other founding member Dave Bates, and wasn’t sure if I could perform solo yet. Summer 2005, and damn near everything seemed up in the air.

So I joined a pop punk band as the 2nd guitarist.

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Secular End had just relocated to Austin, Texas from Phoenix, Arizona. I’d seen them perform a few times before then, and even booked one oft their early shows (the above is the flyer for it, but they aren’t listed). Shortly after I had joined, they released the album “Revenge Of The Phoenix“, and most of our live sets were based off that album. They had an undeniable clockwork tightness, and I brought a chaotic energy the band never had before or since. They performed in understated jeans and tshirts, while I spat fake blood and wore wild costumes and makeup. We played to larger crowds than either of our projects had attracted before; it was pretty damn cool, honestly. We even had a music video that had rotation on Austin Music Network, something else that no longer exists sadly.

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I was in the band for about a year before we parted ways and I started booking shows as Destroyed For Comfort again. It still remains this odd episode in my life, this surreal adventure.

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Some Dude’s Regrettable Punk Phase Just Got Immortalized By Urban Outfitters.

24 Sep

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So, like, at first I found this hilarious, and then it made me angry, and now it’s hilarious again.

The misguided anger was when I thought this was a piece they were mass-producing, and we’ll get to while it bothered me in a bit. But it turns out this piece is fro an online feature they have called Urban Renewal Vintage and holy shit, I thought certain vintage storefronts in meatspace were overpriced and way too full of themselves.

I mean, it’s none of my concern when rich people willfully line up to be ripped off and spend the money I spend on rent on worthless crap to feel “edgy” or whatever. And if some dork wants to lay down $375 (holy shit really?) on a jacket that will get him beat up if he wears it in public, well I hope to see a video of him sobbing on Youtube.

But this jacket is a work of near-artful levels of NOPE-ness to a point where I cannot let it be. Let’s start with the product description:

“Crazy awesome vintage moto leather jacket from the 1990s. Topped with hand-painted punk logos at like Sex Pistols and Crass. Excellent vintage condition. We only have one, so get it or regret it!”

Setting aside figuring out what the exact fuck “excellent vintage condition” means, and the fact that whoever created this thing probably regrets it’s existence, what we already see is that it’s a jacket from the 1990s with a bunch of poorly rendered logos of bands from the 1970s. That’s pretty lol enough but let’s really get into how awful these logos are.

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Do we want to even get into the reasons having CRASS and The Clash on the same jacket is pretty absurd? I mean, sheesh.

And I guess I hadn’t mentioned yet that it has built-in shoulderpads, but jfc it has built-in shoulderpads.

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And yes it apparently comes with buttons already pinned on, with “rockin” slogans like “I’ve Got A Dirty Mind” and some sort of half-assed anarchy yin yang (what?). The piece de resistance, however is the recommended follow-up purchases:

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If you need any more proof than the above that punk is dead, I honestly don’t know what to say.