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Check Out Illuminati @MarkDice Conspiracy Theorists Lose Their Shit Over A Bag Of Chips.

20 Sep

gaydoritos0

DISCLAIMER: So, like, it’s pretty well known I’m one of the “bad”, “angry” queers or whatever. My politics align pretty close to the Gay Shame movement. I’m not thrilled by the cultural focus on gay marriage at the expense of other community concerns. I’m not a fan of Dan Savage, I don’t think the It’s Getter Project is as effective as it could be, and I get nauseous at tacky corporate sponsorships. Macklemore? I’d sincerely rather you Mackle-less please. But once a homophobe gets offended and starts pissing and moaning about the “homosexual agenda”, you better believe I’m gonna talk about all of those things like they are the second coming of Christ. With that in mind, It appears Doritos has a design promoting the gay agenda.

gaydoritos1No, not this one, but close enough.

Anyway, why has nobody ever pointed out Mark Dice to me before? Apparently a couple years ago he prayed God to murder Lil Wayne because his music contains “gay sex satanic rituals”, which honestly makes me wish I listened to more Lil Wayne. Apparently he picks fights with Alex Jones and David Icke as well, which is exactly the kind of inter-community conspiracy theorist drama I’d love to see. Right now he’s ugly sobbing all over his Facebook page about a limited edition (as of now, completely sold out) bag of Rainbow Doritos offered with a $10 donation to the It Gets Better project like it was gonna show up at whatever new age grocery he picks up his crystal-infused non-GMO Illuminati Mind Control-free woo food:

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The comments, as could be expected, are hilarious:

gaydoritos5Admittedly, I have a perverse definition of “hilarious”

gaydoritos4^Adding this shit to my Amazon wishlist.

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I kind of want to have hella queer sex with this dude.

And then things get weird. Like, SENPAI NOTICE ME I HAVE MY OWN RIDICULOUS THEORY OF MY OWN sort of weird. A lot of this stuff goes back to GMOs somehow being the source of transgender identity or whatever and demon posession.

gaydoritos7gaydoritos8

As mentioned above, the chips themselves are sold out, so I guess Gayluminati business returns to normal, right? I’ve gotten a little behind in the newsletters.

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#Infowars @PrisonPlanet Dingus Has No Clue What Clock Or Bomb Looks Like #IStandWithAhmed

18 Sep

Been seeing this shitty dadmeme floating around the right-wing blogosphere, mostly shared by nobodies and libertarians, or libertarian nobodies. Didn’t think much of it until I saw a dude I recently declared had one of this years most punchably smug faces (after Milo Yiannopolous, that is) sharing it.

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I’d say this meme is an excellent example of the poor quality of American education, but I think this dingus is a Brit. Seriously tho, it’s the kind of meme someone would make as a parody of ignorant assholes. Why are they using an analog dial clock as a comparison for a digital clock? Have any of these people ever seen a digital clock? None of these people have obviously set foot in a Radio Shack, or dabbled in DIY electronics, because you can google literally hundreds of similar projects.

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Keep in mind, however, that even Make thinks Ahmed’s project wasn’t too shabby.

And that whole “can’t tell the difference between an analog and digital clock” thing isn’t the most embarrassing part. That “actual suitcase bomb” is nothing of the sort. It’s a fucking demo kit for a Honeywell burglar alarm.

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Here’s the fucking instruction manual. You can buy one of these things off Amazon (for $550, but still).

And even that’s not the most embarrassing part. The most embarrassing part is Watson, a pasty old white dude in his, what, 40s(?) spending his evening continuing to poke fun at a 14 year old’s science project. Because that’s a good look to the conspiracy crowd, I guess? Stay classy and cry some more, loser.

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A Pile Of 23 Gadsden Flag Memes Just Because.

8 Aug

I dunno. I just find memes of the Gadsden Flag hilarious. Sue me.

gadsden2gadsden3gadsden4gadsden1gadsden5gadsden6gadsden7gadsden8gadsden9gadsden10gadsden11gadsden12gadsden13gadsden14gadsden15gadsden16gadsden17gadsden18gadsden19gadsden20gadsden21gadsden22gadsden23

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Alex Jones Joined #GamerGate, The Pope Thinks Trans Folks = Nukes & The Week Isn’t Over Yet.

20 Feb

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alexjonesgamergate3I like how he differentiates “3rd wave”, as if he has no prob w/the first two

I’m really having trouble deciding which of these revelations is more amazing, really. I mean, Alex Jones is pretty much his own punchline at this point. Looking into it further it looks like Jones also appealed to the hashtag shortly after it began, which is unsurprising because the dude has been riding internet trending topics shamelessly for years. Also apparently the dude that maintains his wiki also maintains Gamergate’s as well and was digging up dirt on Wikipedia editors supportive of Zoe and Anita (sound familiar?). What is it with Wikipedia vandals and Alex Jones, anyway?

So yeah, this current video posted to the tag is by one of PrisonPlanet’s staff, Paul Joseph Watson. Watson is a snarling pasty toad that was apparently cursed by leprechauns to speak only in right-wing buzzwords until he can find true love and become a real boy. He also has just the most punchable face in a crew that seems to take great pleasure in being awful.

alexjonesgamergate1seriously look at this toolbag

He sardonically repeats the words “multiculturalism” and “social engineering” and some gibberish obsesssion he has about feminists ignoring rape by non-white people or something like a terrible party magician trying to hypnotize you. He talks about “joyless” feminists, but the only point in his video where I cracked a smile was when he laughably insisted there was such a thing as “organized misandry”. Also, he manages to invoke Godwin’s Law within ten seconds of his smarmy diatribe which has to be a record or some sort of drinking game.

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Speaking of constantly terrible analogies and Nazi comparisons, Pope Francis apparently thinks us trans folk are as dangerous to life on earth as nuclear weapons and people that advocate gender theory are literally Hitler youth. Yeah, the “cool pope” said that. Good times.

alexjonesgamergate6leaked photo of the transgender agenda

In his recently published report “This Economy Kills”, he talks of how each era has “Herods” that “destroy, that plot designs of death, that disfigure the face of man and woman, destroying creation.” To give perspective, Herod was the king that killed all the little boys in his kingdom in an attempt to hunt down and murder baby Jesus. This is the level of discourse he opens up with.

alexjonesgamergate7literally gender theory

He continues:

“Let’s think of the nuclear arms, of the possibility to annihilate in a few instants a very high number of human beings,” he continues. “Let’s think also of genetic manipulation, of the manipulation of life, or of the gender theory, that does not recognize the order of creation.”

“With this attitude, man commits a new sin, that against God the Creator,” the pope says. “The true custody of creation does not have anything to do with the ideologies that consider man like an accident, like a problem to eliminate.”

“God has placed man and woman and the summit of creation and has entrusted them with the earth,” Francis says. “The design of the Creator is written in nature.”

That’s like the mother lode of terrible loaded analogies. Basically it’s fancy pope-speak for the whole trans-Frankenstein “meddling with God’s creation/what hath science wrought” boogieman, taken to it’s logical extreme.

He also compares literature that includes gender theory as “akin to Hitler Youth propaganda” and “a form of colonization” which is hilarious. Maybe the leader of the Catholic Church, literally the most prominent force in violent genocidal Western colonization in history, should shut the fuck up about throwing around such accusations until he cleans his own damn house. Go fuck yourself, Popebro.

For what it’s worth tho, as far as shitty scaremongering things to say about us, at least this one is so cartoonish it makes us sound badass. I am become trans, the destroyer of worlds.

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Transluminati Witches And Beyonce Killed Joan Rivers For Saying “Tranny” Or Something.

18 Sep

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transplanetjoanrivers2Countdown til someone steals this pic for their Youtube Witch House Playlist.

Shortly after Joan Rivers passed away, the conspiracy sphere pretty much erupted into ridiculous theories about her death, as they do. A lot of it centers around a dude with the unfortunate Youtube handle of ZippyThe Pinheadj (guess a-i was taken) who “prophesied” her death with a story that is as convincing as his comb-over.

joanrivers3“I predict an elderly woman with health problems will die soon. Eerie, right?”

Alex Jones weighed in, but sort of danced around the issue, so in this case we’re looking at Revelation Now. They claim her death was Occult retribution for calling Michelle Obama a “tranny”, a crime so horrible it took over a month for these imagined Transluminati Witches to do anything about it.

To be serious for a moment, there are too many things wrong with the statement Rivers made (and folks like Alex Jones repeated) to even count without even getting to the word “tranny”. It reinforces a lot of the negative ways white people sexualize black bodies (and especially black women’s bodies, constantly robbing them of their femininity). It reinforces how entitled folks feel to define other’s sexual orientations. It directly correlates transgender identity as inherently fraudulent.

But no, the “pro-tranny” crowd thinks that politically correct folks that are bothered with the term can cast killing spells. Because something about a “Baphomet Hand Gesture”, whatever that is.

joanrivers4Something like this, I guess.

Speaking of Baphomet (something I love to do), another side claims that Beyonce was behind the occult killing, because the death of an elderly woman makes an awesome 33rd birthday gift (I’m pretty sure I bought an ounce of shrooms for mine, tbqh). But in any case I wound up stumbling across “Baphomet Beyonce” in Google Image Search, which is now my favorite thing ever. So I’m just gonna post images from that now.

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Transphobic Congressional Wikipedia Vandal Also Obsessed With Alex Jones And Choco Tacos

11 Sep

transplanetchocotaco1This message not necessarily endorsed by Choco Taco Jesus.

Over the summer, anonymous accounts with IP addresses traced to the U.S. House Of Representatives have been vandalizing Wikipedia pages. Apparently this has been an issue for a while, according to this statement from Wikipedia itself on the subject in 2009. It’s reached a point where Wikipedia once again had to block Cogressional IPs from posting.

This in and of itself is so Crazytown it’s singing awful rap metal about butterflies, but it gets weirder.

See, most of the vandalism as of late has been regarding transgender related articles. And some of it sounds strangely… focused. Arguments about phrasing on articles about Chelsea Manning and Laverne Cox and the show Orange Is The New Black make sense because they are high-profile mainstream topics. But like, how many people that aren’t trans women or people that are deliberately antagonistic towards trans women even know what Camp Trans is? There was also some calculated attempts to insert misleading and false links between gender dysphoria and body dysmorphic disorder (a particular pet peeve of mine), insistence on referencing that godawful Gavin McInnes article everywhere, as well as complete gibberish about “species disorder” which is pretty much par for the course from the kind of folks that think Gender Hurts makes some good points.

transgenderism1No, it really doesn’t.

And yet it gets weirder.

The spree of vandalism came to a head with the anonymous Congressional staffer insisting they were there on “official business” of an unnamed Representative. They insisted the necessity of their mission to counter support for ENDA and rabid conspiracy theories about “the EU using neocolonialist methods to impose transgenderism on the nation of Georgia” (an obvious reference to response to a Georgia prison’s refusal of access of healthcare to a trans woman inmate). Thankfully they were finally just banned.

chocotaco2In the snarkiest fucking way possible.

But like, besides the “gender critical” stuff, the address contributed to all sorts of right-wing conspiracy crank stuff: Skull And Bones Society, Black Helicopters, UFO sightings,  JFK assassination, Bohemian Grove, Alex Jones, David Icke, ad nauseum as well as absurd non-sequitor stuff about Bon Jovi and Choco Tacos. And like, I’m the last person to be all like “why are my tax dollars going to this”, but why exactly are my tax dollars going to this?

I mean shit, I can’t even log on Facebook at work without getting fired and some rabid conspiracy crank TERF hopped up on Choco Tacos thinks they can take over Wikipedia?

DO. YOUR. ACTUAL. FUCKING. JOB.

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This Website Is Called Total Fascism. Where Do I Even Start.

23 Jan

transplanet

(Trigger Warning: Neo-Nazi fuckery all over the place).

So earlier this week some friends/fellow members of the elite race traitor Transqueerluminati were discussing far right wing sites and bloggers that drift so far out that they’re almost funny (when you desperately try to forget the truly awful people that agree with them).

At one point someone mentioned a gathering where someone had done an absurd dramatic reading of this piece of happy horseshit, I mean critique of anarcho-capitalism. Now, I’m no fan of anarcho-capitalism (or capitalism) or Ayn Rand or objectivism by even the remotest stretch of the imagination, but nowhere in my critique would you find me accusing it of being a “Jewish Conspiracy” (which I’ll go into more detail momentarily).

Most laughably, he claims AnCaps are universally pro LGBT rights (has he even MET any AnCaps? Jesus fuck.)

freedomLemme just break this whole image down; one that is unsurprisingly similar to image diptychs you’ll see all across the social conservative spectrum.  On the surface it’s a pretty typical social conservative “I did a Google Image Search for ‘gay pride’ to distinguish from socially respectable people”  piece of tired-ass crap. They dig up a picture of a colorful (usually DMAB) person and hold it in everyone’s faces all like THIS IS WHAT YOU SUPPORT THIS IS THE FUTURE BE TERRIFIED. And anyone with any sort of sense is like… what? That’s not scary at all, that person seems fun and probably takes themselves a lot less seriously than you do, grow the fuck up. Frankly I find the creepy Teutonic sepia-tone pic of the homogenized milk-white family shadowed with their patriarchal Reichsadler Eagle overlord way the fuck more terrifying.

totalfascism4Seriously, this website is stocked with paintings of hideous dead-eyed Aryans.

You may notice for this article I’m gonna be focusing more on the dude’s homophobia than his racism. Mostly because the dude is Neo-Nazi trash, of fucking course he’s racist. There really isn’t anything in particular to point out and deconstruct, the whole site is operated on the assumption that everyone is at least as racist as he is. What is there to deconstruct about a dude that can say with no sense of irony that comparing POC to monkeys is a perfectly reasonable conclusion and seems surprised it is controversial.

That said, from here on out whenever a white person makes up an imaginary African name and pretends to speak in AAVE, or whenever I hear a white person dismiss cultural appropriation, this article is what will immediately come to mind.

But then, whenever I see someone argue that parents being supportive of their trans* children is abuse, I’ll be thinking of this article. TERFs, MRAs, religious right, Nazi assclowns, it’s all the exact same white heteronormative patriarchy to me.

And like, sure people like this dude think everything is a “Jewish Conspiracy”, but this dude think’s EVERYTHING is a “Jewish Conspiracy”. He thinks feminism is a Jewish Conspiracy. He thinks transgender kids are a Jewish Conspiracy. He thinks criticism of gay conversion therapy is a Jewish Conspiracy.  He thinks cursing is a Jewish Conspiracy. He even thinks Alex Jones is a Jewish Conspiracy.

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Ah, I guess obesity is also a “Jewish Conspiracy” too. He also uses the phrase “emotion-based” so often on his site I’m pretty sure he believes emotions are a “Jewish Conspiracy” as well.

And like, I personally think Alex Jones is a joke and have no qualms mocking him and his fans relentlessly. But when I hear a Neo-Nazi sob incoherently about how hurt he is by Jones saying mean things about Hitler, I’m like “Fuck. Yes.”.

Because Nazis and other anti-semites are barely human trash and I want them to cry more.

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