So, like, whenever I mention a celebrity or public figure on this blog, I’m usually eviscerating the shit out of them. And I’m particularly merciless against socially tone deaf alt musicians and pop singers. But I don’t know, I just always loved P!nk, even if some of the awkwardly shoehorned animal rights imagery in her videos seems a bit overboard.
Like goddamn, dial it back a notch Immortan Joe.
But yeah, P!nk reminds me of ladies I used to smoke cigarettes with in high school and who wound up showing up at my drag shows a couple years later. She grew up with asthma, like I did, and she’s a child of divorce, also like myself. She also just has this “rowdy hard-partying fag hag” vibe I have a ridiculous soft spot for. So yeah my boyfriend at the time (yes that one) and I were really obsessed with Missundaztood-era P!nk.
Although, is it proper to wear Satanic floor patterns after Labor Day?
So anyway, I bring this up because this recent article of things-that-never-happened-dot-jpeg titled:
Former Satanist: “I Performed Satanic Rituals Inside Abortion Clinics”
fuckin sure you did, buddy
The article features the further “confessions” of “Former Satanic High Wizard (a position that does not exist*)” and gross white dude dreadlock-haver Zachary King who surprise surprise is writing a dumb book called “Abortion Is A Satanic Sacrifice“. Surely it’s going to be a reasoned book that looks at all the complex facets of this controversial social issue.
(pic unrelated)
Alongside the title shenanigans, a lot of hilaribad spoopy claims are made. He claims to have broken every commandment by age 15, which honestly isn’t that impressive anyway except the adultery and murder part. And if dude is trying to get his shit together, why did he never turn himself in and serve time for said murder? There isn’t a statute of limitations on that, and it’s possible someone innocent was charged. You know, if it wasn’t transparent Grade A horseshit. Anyway, even tho in earlier interviews he claims that Kid Rock’s “Bawitdaba” was a legit magic spell (which is so hilariously stupid I wish he’d elaborate), he seems currently set on Pink’s “Like A Pill” video luring impressionable kids to Satanism. Sounds like grandpa is trying to update his references, while still being a decade behind the times.
Seriously dude, cut that turd of a “dreadlock” off and I could
conceivably call you “daddy” – if you catch my drift.
* And yes I know that there are other denominations of Satanism besides LaVey’s Church Of Satan. Seriously, I get it. But like, dude claims to have been a member of a high-ranking member of a “big, world wide cult” and the Church Of Satan is the only one that really fits that bill. Not that it makes a difference, everyone knows Satan worshippers (myself included) are chubby peacenik dweebs in real life. And I’d be willing to bet money the reason that “wizard” is “doing a spell” in that P!nk video is because the director thinks it looks neat.
Seriously, that was pretty cool.
And honestly, the idea of a Satanic New World Order is a fairly transparent smokescreen for a religion that has been the rallying point/justification for European colonization, slavery, white supremacy, establishment of the gender binary, homophobia and, like… just about all of society’s ills, which still remain and deserve to be challenged on their own merits. I think a few upside down crosses and “baphomet hand signals” are the least of everyone’s worries.
Rani Baker Digs You. 
The author of this article obviously has severe issues and is completely unable to recognize truth. I have heard the testimony of Zach King and, while I believe his story, I think he has merely traded one deception for another. Catholicism is the biggest scam ever perpetrated against humanity. However, like the author, I also really like P!nk, and am disturbed that she seems to be okay with allowing a high wizard (i am certain they DO exist) to perform s spell on her. I pray for her.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Truth? The Catholic Church is The Church–the one Jesus founded over 2000 years ago. The Mass hasn’t changed. Why do you think Satanists’ black masses are the opposite of Catholic Masses? Ask God to show you the truth. He brought me there. Now I’m a prophet, priest, and king.
You got a lot of facts wrong. I hate how opinionated you are, but you didn’t even listen carefully. Guess what– there’s a dangerous group of people that do take Satanism seriously.
He’ll take you seriously and listen if you misgender someone. That is where their reality is. Delusions
I have been and will continue to pray for all of you at the church of satan. Satan is very real and is not a joke. You are all sinners and need to turn away from your sins. I as a Christian am as well, and I am no better than you. We all need forgiveness. The only difference is that I recognize my sin and put my faith in Jesus. I do not celebrate it. Please read the Bible – the Christian Bible. Read John and then Romans. From there, go on to read where the Holy Spirit guides you. Jesus loves you all. He hates your sin, but loves you as a person created in His image.