Some Dude’s Regrettable Punk Phase Just Got Immortalized By Urban Outfitters.

24 Sep

jacket1

So, like, at first I found this hilarious, and then it made me angry, and now it’s hilarious again.

The misguided anger was when I thought this was a piece they were mass-producing, and we’ll get to while it bothered me in a bit. But it turns out this piece is fro an online feature they have called Urban Renewal Vintage and holy shit, I thought certain vintage storefronts in meatspace were overpriced and way too full of themselves.

I mean, it’s none of my concern when rich people willfully line up to be ripped off and spend the money I spend on rent on worthless crap to feel “edgy” or whatever. And if some dork wants to lay down $375 (holy shit really?) on a jacket that will get him beat up if he wears it in public, well I hope to see a video of him sobbing on Youtube.

But this jacket is a work of near-artful levels of NOPE-ness to a point where I cannot let it be. Let’s start with the product description:

“Crazy awesome vintage moto leather jacket from the 1990s. Topped with hand-painted punk logos at like Sex Pistols and Crass. Excellent vintage condition. We only have one, so get it or regret it!”

Setting aside figuring out what the exact fuck “excellent vintage condition” means, and the fact that whoever created this thing probably regrets it’s existence, what we already see is that it’s a jacket from the 1990s with a bunch of poorly rendered logos of bands from the 1970s. That’s pretty lol enough but let’s really get into how awful these logos are.

jacket2jacket4  jacket3

Do we want to even get into the reasons having CRASS and The Clash on the same jacket is pretty absurd? I mean, sheesh.

And I guess I hadn’t mentioned yet that it has built-in shoulderpads, but jfc it has built-in shoulderpads.

jacket5

And yes it apparently comes with buttons already pinned on, with “rockin” slogans like “I’ve Got A Dirty Mind” and some sort of half-assed anarchy yin yang (what?). The piece de resistance, however is the recommended follow-up purchases:

jacket6

If you need any more proof than the above that punk is dead, I honestly don’t know what to say.

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One Response to “Some Dude’s Regrettable Punk Phase Just Got Immortalized By Urban Outfitters.”

  1. beatthemtodeathwiththeirownshoes September 26, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

    Spot on. As an old ‘first waver’ approaching death, I wouldn’t even be buried in that shit. Cremation is too good for it. Would anyone really buy that – especially if they’d actually listen to some Crass lyrics? It doesn’t surprise me – the blog-o-spshere is filled with ‘Punk Couture’. Spew. Vomit. Spit. As soon as I had to buy a uniform from the King’s Road in Chelsea to be a punk, it was all over, for me anyway. I don’t think I even bought a button badge. We just used to steal them. Yuk.Yuk. yuk. Yukky. yuk yuk.

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